Christian Nurse: Beyond our skills, patients deserve our compassion, respect and love
Singapore (AsiaNews) - "Every patient must be served just as we would serve our Lord Jesus Christ". This is the deep conviction that animates the Amy Lim's vocation. She is a Christian from Singapore and a nurse specialized in the care of terminally ill patients. Today we celebrate the XXII World Day of the Sick, for which Pope Francis has chosen the theme "Faith and charity:" We too must give our lives for the brethren"; (1 Jn 3:16). Next June, Amy will serve as a volunteer at Nirmal Hriday, the first home for the sick and dying, founded by Mother Teresa in Calcutta. She speaks to AsiaNews about what palliative care means for her, especially for the many physical and emotional difficulties that can be encountered. "In pursuit of excellent care - she explains - we must always keep in mind that every man and woman has a value, and deserves not only our professional abilities, but our friendship and our humanity". Below, a reflection by Amy Lim:
Our precious Pope Francis is very kind to acknowledge the work of healthcare workers! It is very encouraging to know that someone high in his position would personally thank us! I am sure with his words, those in healthcare will be inspired to press on and reflect deeply this very valuable calling to serve the sick! We often have compassionate burnout and such an appreciation from a Pope means a lot to us! His gratitude will ignite warmness and a tenderness to care for the sick with all our heart and soul.
Nursing the sick is a deep calling from God, a very intimate and privileged calling. We don't need to look out for people to serve, the sick and needy are right before us! Nurses are most blessed people, I feel and what we are delivering is nothing but what the sick deserves in the name of humanity! Every sick person should be served like we would serve our Lord Jesus Christ! They deserve our compassion our respect regardless of their past!
Palliative clinicians generally agree that we must be tender loving and empathetic towards our terminally ill patients. Palliative care, the undeniable partnership of science and art delivered through the hands of skilled and compassionate clinicians aims to relieve and comfort always those living out their last lap of life. However, I struggled with one of the most sensitive issue in professional palliative caring. How involved should I be with the person whom I am caring for as well as the family? Colleagues and friends have remarked that my care is "too much", " you spoil the patient" while others rebuked that my care has crossed professional caring. I deeply appreciate such remarks made out of love and concern for me, hence I have been mindful and reflective in my approaches towards my patients and their love ones.
There is really no standard teaching on "how far one can go" in professional loving and indeed any one nurse will probably work differently with different people and at different times. Sometimes our professional uniform keeps us at a safe distance from our patients so that our meetings are those of professional and client, not of the frail human beings that we all are. I often wonder whether am I guilty of unconsciously denying my patients the one thing that they long for, the gift that it is in my power to give readily and freely, my human warmth?
Love, especially in the hospice context can be a very practical and earthly issues. I think of one of my patient diagnosed with cancer of the gum, she was horribly disfigured with appalling stench from her mouth tumor. I am not immune to the smell of decaying flesh, and like anyone, I long to escape to where the air is crisp and pure. I wish I could draw my seat a little further away from her when we talk and share without feeling bad nor guilty but I really do. There was this voice in me urging me not to go beyond addressing her physical symptoms which were already quite a bucket full to handle.
However, her emotional distress was crystal clear, I would be most unworthy to care for her if I were to ignore her emotional distress intentionally just because of her appalling stench and her poorly kept environment. Initially, I prayed for courage to walk into her house but subsequently I realised what I lacked was not courage but love and sensitivity to her pain.
The essence of palliative care calls us to be sensitive to both the physical well being as well as the emotional well being of our patients. If she can love me enough to ignore the stare and snare of the world around her to walk to Giant Store just to buy me a bottle of 100 Plus isotonic drink from the little she has in her purse to serve me during my home visit, what is there about this woman that I should mind about and fuss over. In fact she deserves my respect, my admiration, my total being to care and love her for who she is. I have since then eaten food picked from her bare fingers, washed or unwashed never seem to bother me anymore and the food goes directly into my mouth and I am proud to say that we have loved and cherished each other in a way that she had never known before. We hugged whenever we meet and she was mercifully oblivious of the appalling stench from her mouth which fills the room. Most importantly, together we discovered a new relationship, a new beginning, a new strength to bear with all her loss and together, we salvage and treasure the minimal that remain meaningful and make sense to live on.
Hospice clinicians must be very mindful that all people, however far gone, are infinitely precious and desire to be loved and valued. The dying are individuals, complex human beings whose needs are legion, physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and social. What I am arguing is that we need not worry so much about loving our patient too much too unprofessionally than to develop a degree of insight into the patient's world. With this insight, our sensitivity to the patient's distress will heightened, leading us naturally to love and value them preciously as an individual and cause us to want to give our best to them. At heart, professional loving is about becoming sensitive to the pain of others. It is costly loving but for which I am repaid a hundredfold.
Over the last six years as a home hospice nurse with HCA Hospice Care, I am ashamed of how much I have defrauded and neglected some of my patients in failing to provide them adequate emotional support and mindfully valuing them as precious individual deserving not just my professional care but my love and my warmth. We need to reflect seriously on our work with the terminally ill with regards to the way we care for them. Recognition of emotional needs and the provision of support is as important as medical competency. After all, our efforts can never erase their pain their loss their suffering their fear, we can only hope that our presence diffuses a worth about life that is still so precious so valuable to pursue and even nurture in the final days of life.
One question that often saturates in my mind and heart is what does our patients value most from us, from our home visits? Let us not be too overly concerned about loving beyond the professional ways, more than growing in our genuineness, in our insight to our patient's pain and suffering. My greatest challenge for now is to get to know my patient for who they are, understanding and feeling their pain, their loss, their fear, their hope etc and keeping them warmly accompanied in their uncertain journey sensitively, keeping in mind always how precious each of them are in creation. In the pursuit of excellent care, we must bear in mind always that every man and woman is of value, matters and is deserving not only of our skills but of our friendship and our humanity.
(Nirmala Carvalho collaborated)
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