Bosco’s story or “the gift of sobriety through the mantle of Mary’s love”
Mumbai (AsiaNews) – I entered Mary’s Clan on 19 June 1987 evening, which was the last day I consumed alcohol. I have been sober since 20 June 1987, one day at a time... no alcohol nor any form of intoxication. The gift of sobriety came through the mantle of Mary’s love and protection.
Alcohol put me on a path to destruction and misery. I began drinking when I was just 17 years old, after the completion of my High School, (SSC in Mumbai, India) in 1977.
Over the years I rapidly graduated from late evening drinking, to evenings plus afternoons... and finally to evenings and afternoons and mornings. I had crossed that invisible borderline from safe drinking to alcoholic drinking... and then to miserable drinking.
I had been raised by wonderful, loving devout Catholic parents, Alec and Josephine Pereira. My father was a very good musician – playing the saxophone, clarinet, and violin. He taught me the violin when I was young.
In 1980, during a family celebration at a relative’s home, observing my excessive drinking, my aunt, gently reprimanded me, “How much are you drinking?” I was outraged that she thought I had a problem with alcohol, and why should it concern her. I felt that I could handle my drinks; it was something I could control.
In sheer arrogance and anger, I placed the glass aside and immediately stopped drinking and did not drink further. I don’t know what, but the anger persisted for many months and I completely stopped drinking for an entire year. In the meantime, I joined the choir, playing the violin for the 6 am Mass at Gloria Church, Byculla during this period, and in the course of the same year, met and fell in love with a girl from a very God-fearing respectful family and began dating and I enjoyed a clean and sober relationship.
In 1981, in preparations for our neighbourhood New Year’s Day party, a friend asked me to accompany him to purchase something for the celebration; on the way, he suggested that we have a beer, even though it was still morning, we entered bar and ordered beers, thus began my downward spiral into alcoholism, the drinking cycle started again.
Drinking resulted in damaging consequences to all my relationships... my family... my girlfriend... her family, etc. I even remember the many times when we went on a date, with remarkable cunning, take her to a restaurant which served alcohol... and despite her protests, I would order beer. Later, after dropping her home, I would go to the nearest bar and drink till I got drunk... This pattern went on... and I would drink all days... missing work very often.
At work, I got ‘charge sheeted’ thrice. At the third one I was dismissed, due to my continuous absenteeism due to drinking. But this did not deter my drinking, as I was young, and felt that, “No problem, I can get a job anywhere!”
Alcohol fully controlled my life, with the continuous episodes of inebriation and loss of control, I was enslaved by alcohol.
I would seek employment only to buy drinks, and used my salary to celebrate by drinking late nights, then continue in the mornings (because of the hangover) and through the afternoon – evening . . . now there was no day time or night time for drinking . . . any time was the time to drink!
Meanwhile, relationships everywhere turned upside down... and the entire fault was mine... and everything was a nightmare. I had lost everything: my job, my relationships, my friends. I was destitute.
I recall that I even stole and pawned my mother’s sarees in order to pay for my drink. How, my poor mother wept, when she found out that I had stolen her lovely sarees . . . may her soul rest in peace! She had cherished those sarees, and they were like prized possessions for her. How I had destroyed my mother and father . . . who had high hopes that their son would have some standing in life . . . but I was just falling and falling into the bottomless pit.
I had reached such a point of desperation that I used to cry when I was alone (drunk no doubt) - the contrasting ways evident in my life, asking myself how I got into this terrible mess, and it was such a point that I was totally lonely, afraid and couldn’t understand what was happening to me. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t.
On numerous occasions, I tried to stay off alcohol, to stop drinking. Each unsuccessful attempt to abstain never lasted more than a day. I became more and more frustrated I was sliding down a very slippery slope without a solution. A fear gripped me: that I would die in shame, innumerable indignities and hopelessness... completely shattered and battered. I had this overwhelming, uncontrollable and insane need for alcohol, even in the face of negative and fatal consequences. My baffling self-destructive behaviour was hard to understand and I was nearing insanity.
Often in my despair, I cried to the Lord to help me stop drinking. In spite of being under the influence of alcohol, I pleaded with the Lord for help but I simply didn’t know how. I felt he too had no answer. He didn’t know how to help me.
Drinking in a bar, in June 1987, I learnt of Mary’s Clan in Bandra – I travelled to Bandra in search of this haven. Arriving at the Basilica of Our Lady of the Mount around 5.30-6pm, I met with a few guys, who looked like recovering alcoholics. Brother Cyril D’Souza, the founder of Mary’s Clan, asked what was my problem and I told him that I wanted to stop drinking . . . And thus began my journey at Mary’s Clan . . . journey on the road to sobriety.
I had come to Mary’s Clan - in my old dirty jeans and a t-shirt and slippers… with only a 2-rupee coin in my pocket, my only possessions. I was in Mary’s Clan, a home-cum-rehab for the suffering, chronic and destitute alcoholic. In a home of the Mother of God Jesus, our own mother!
Initially, I was told to sit quietly, learn to listen and listen to learn... but I did not understand anything then. But the only Grace was that I had that desire to stop drinking. Through Mother Mary, God gave me the Grace to listen and obey everything Brother Cyril told me (this understanding came to me after many years but not then).
In the beginning when we come to Mary’s Clan we are all foggy and don’t know what is happening and what to do. But gradually as the fog clears things get better.
Mary’s Clan is founded on three pillars, the thrice-daily recitation of the Holy Rosary – 8 am, 12 noon and at 8.30 pm. Mary’s Clan is located in the shade of the Basilica, where Mother Mary protects us with her mantle, giving us refuge and consolation, hope and security from the enslaving grip of the vice of alcohol.
Here I was introduced to an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) way of life – a life of spirituality – and incorporated the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous into my life.
I was told to focus on understanding this disease and on my recovery. I was told to keep everything simple. I listened obediently. Mary graced with me the gift of Obedience
Three months later, I returned home, to reconcile with my mum, who wept seeing me, and literally pleaded with me to return home. However, as the journey to sobriety is long, I returned to Mary’s Clan after making peace with my mother.
Brother Cyril always used to tell me, “Don’t worry about a job or anything else. Just be honest with yourself and follow the programme well and in a simple manner, and God will send all things at your feet. So I listened and didn’t hurry for a job. What I realize now that Cyril was referring to a God who was so loving and humble that he would never allow us to struggle and provide us everything, for just an ounce of honesty. Obedience was the key to progress.
In March 1988, a member of Mary’s Clan offered me a job in Mumbai. Here was the proof that ‘God will send all things at your feet’. It was offered to me by the Grace of God at Mary’s Clan itself. As it says, “Your Benevolence is in the place where you are”. And that was my first job through Mary’s Clan and I am still with the same boss, who was also the benefactor of Mary’s Clan till the year 2013.
In May 1988 I had my first experience of the Marian Rosary Devotion, at Holy Cross on Mt. Mary Road between the Basilica and the Oratory of Our Lady of Fatima. Brother Cyril used to conduct the Rosary every May for the full month, which was our May Devotion to venerate our beautiful Mother Mary. I used to present myself devotedly every day at this Rosary. I used to rush back from work to make sure I could make if by 8.30 pm for the May Rosaries.
I no longer had that obsession to drink nor the craving. I realized that I could do better things without drinking than I did when I was under the influence. Brother Cyril was entirely at the service of the suffering alcoholic. I saw how, time and again, time and again, he would forgive the alcoholic who went back to drinking and would return pleading for another chance. He followed the principle of forgiveness 70 times 70... And today as director of Mary’s Clan, I too follow this principle of “Mercy”.
In, 1989 after the Marian Month of Mary Rosary, Brother advised me to buy a house, and assisted me with a Bank loan, and this, I know, was possible only through the Grace of my Loving God, through the intercessory love of my mother Mary.
I continued to live at Mary’s Clan till 1992 and was very involved with all the activities there in my own simple manner.
In 1992, through Mary’s Clan I was introduced to a girl, Anita. A few months later, I met Anita’s parents at Prartnalaya (the House of Prayer of the PDDM sisters). We were engaged in January 1993 and got married in April 1993. I left Mary’s Clan, as this was my home. Today God has gifted us with two sons, Calvin aged 20 and Chris aged 16.
I left the Clan after marriage to live with my wife in Naigaon – a distant suburb in North Mumbai – but I regularly returned to Mary’s Clan and always served Mary’s Clan in whatever way I could.
Brother Cyril once casually asked me, ‘Would you like to continue this work of mine should anything happen to me?” And I unhesitatingly said yes, not realizing the essence of what I just said.
In April 2004, Brother Cyril passed away suddenly and after his funeral, I presented myself whole-heartedly to the service of Mary’s Clan and continue to do so. One of the great gifts of recovery is in giving it back to other people. I thank God for this beautiful opportunity and privilege that He has given me to do his good work in serving Him by helping the suffering, downtrodden and chronic alcoholic.
Today I continue Brother Cyril’s tradition of conducting the Rosary at the Cross every May, year after year... and it is so beautiful. Today I understand the essence of the service, but by the sheer Grace of our beautiful God and through the love and intercession of our Mother Mary... to us once-upon-a-time useless alcoholics! His is truly one of the most powerful gifts you will experience in sobriety.
The rewards of sobriety are so wonderful that I always say, “God doesn’t always promise you the things that you have lost, but definitely promises you all things new and beautiful!”, and this is exactly what has happened to me.
This is my Mission, it is a vocation to be director of Mary’s Clan. This is very challenging but as the Lord says, “My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light”. Through Mary’s Clan, I received the gift of sobriety, and it is a gift to share your sobriety and give back to other people. Today I am shining, but for the Grace of God.
(Nirmala Carvalho contributed to the article)
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16/09/2016 09:35
